Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, esteemed members of the press, I intend to show you, today, through the use of cold, hard evidence, that the Woman in question (labeled Exhibit A) was indeed, at one time completely and utterly pwned by me and that what the Defendant now has is but a shell of her former self.
I will be showing you voice mail messages in which the Exhibit A refers to me as, and I quote, “The hottest fucking thing I have ever seen.” I will show you pictures from our trip to Cabo together; pictures that Exhibit A has still not removed from her Facebook profile. I will show you e-mails from Exhibit A detailing how much she misses me and would like to get together for a drink “just to talk”. And timestamps will shockingly reveal that these e-mails occurred AFTER Exhibit A met the Defendant. And, in my closing arguments, I will show that since I had Exhibit A first, and since I totally used her up, the Defendant can totally keep her. |
